In an interview with New York magazine, an anonymous gay man told reporter E. Alex Jung that whenever he would describe his sexual relationship with Spacey to friends, he would include a caveat. While pursuing my first significantly older boyfriend, I too remember thinking that we were on equal playing fields sexually and intellectually. The beautifully rendered gay love story just happens to feature a seven-year age gap, and portrays the ideal of a relationship with a significant age difference. How do gay culture and society at large feel about the boys, teens and men who pine for older lovers?
Post Your First Ad Now! Different motivations propel younger gay men into these relationships as well. I dex to ask early on what is the attraction to a man 30 his elder. Just reply and I will give you all the information se you need. Young str8 guy fucks older man for the first time 5 min Gardyou - Hi i am a young and very sexy. UK Edition. Hi baby, Im Amber. Hey baby girl! Just wanted to say keep that love burning X Straight old men sex at times find it difficult to give back the love and allow someone close.
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Verified by Psychology Today. Finally Out. Thomas Gass, a dentist in California, has survived the curse—twice. The curse? Gass is a gay man whose only sexual attraction is to men significantly older than he is.
After recovering from his grief , he found love again with a man 18 years older but endured another tragic loss when his second partner died of pancreatic cancer after they had spent 17 years together. Still a relatively young man, Gass might wonder whether or not to take a chance on loving an older man again.
For him, however, the choice is between an older man or no man at all. The younger men have more interest in sports than their partners and their gay peers who are attracted to men their own age. The younger men tend to be more masculine than their gay peers who are attracted to men their own age. The younger men prefer older men with endomorphic bodies belly fat, strong bones, and sturdy thighs.
While these observations are purely anecdotal and subjective, the comments resonated with some of my own observations. I would add another:. Gass went on to say that these relationships are often misunderstood, perhaps especially by the LGBTQ community.
In , the New York Times published an opinion piece by former Pennsylvania Senator Harris Wofford , who at 90 years old was planning to marry Matthew Charlton, his year-old lover, whom he had been together with for 15 years.
Senator Wofford had spent nearly half a century married to his wife, Clare, who died when they were both almost But in the case of a celebrity, the tabloid headlines these labels may be used in sensationalistic ways, or even include more virulently homophobic names like pedophile and predatory pervert.
Although atypical, are these relationships abnormal? Another part of the curse, though, is the prejudice and misunderstanding that these couples face, often receiving their greatest criticism from members of their own LGBTQ community. Even the older partner initially may doubt the seriousness of the younger man's interest. In fact, however, many of the younger men are more independent and financially secure than their older partners, and they resent the implications that surround their motivations.
When the older man has children—sometimes older than his partner—many incorrectly doubt that the couple will be accepted by family members, predicting family discord on a staggering level. But these gay couples may be far more sexually active than many same-sex couples.
But sex that has both emotional and physical intimacy and when it is expressed in slow time, it may be far more satisfying. No age cutoff exists for exciting, interesting, and satisfying sex. Behavior and identity are not the same things; they are not consistent from one person to the next or sometimes even within the same individual.
How we express our sexuality depends on many variables, including socialization, culture, religion , geography, and psychological health. Sexuality is likely more fluid than once thought. It says, "I belong somewhere, and I am not alone. Such beliefs are based on stereotypes. I've skimmed so many articles I could barely relate to. Then here is yours where every sentence mirrors my experience.
Thanks so much for your comment. It's the kind of comment that keeps me writing. I've been hearing from a number of people, both older and younger, who have related to it.
And it has been accessed more in the first 24 hours than anything I've posted here, so obviously, this information is needed. Gass and I spoke of this as I wrote it, and that was his reason for allowing me to include his name and pictures in the article.
He wanted others to know that his love was just as real as anyone's and there were no hidden motivations. Thanks again for your comment. Loren Olson. I no longer like to analyse the subject as heavily as I have in the past not healthy for me. I remain interested in the connection between dreams during pubescent stage and sexual attraction. Two dreams I had as a child were a huge catalyst for my developing attraction towards the mature male physique.
It was physical for me, very much so and nothing to do with a father figure. I also find it interesting that people like myself who are attracted to older men that horrid term gerontophilia seem to have very VERY similar likes. The headline here mentions the word 'curse'. Sadly in my experience it has felt like more of a curse than a blessing. I have read through this article many times now and I nod my head to so many comments you have mentioned Loren. It is a wonderful article.
One comment from Dr Gass I can absolutely relate to Dr. For some reason my straight friends at worst find my attraction amusing but never have they been hateful. Sadly many gay men over many years have had profound hateful judgemental reactions. Strange but it is certainly my experience.
Peace and best wishes to all. Just try to be happy for two people who are in love regardless of age gap and gender. It is a rare beautiful thing to be cherished. Good for you! Looking for rational explanations for something that is not rational is always a frustrating process, and I believe that why we choose to love whom we love is not rational but operates on a much deeper level in our brains.
One of the arguments we hear frequently against same-sex behavior is that it doesn't serve a procreative function and therefore if it is really innate, it should have been bred out of existence. Others respond by saying that there are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom of non-procreative members who may not produce progeny but they serve a function that benefits the entire community. Although more and more gay people are having children now, I continue to believe that we have a role in humanity that works toward the greater good of our species.
Hi, great article, i can definitely relate to the feelings of sexual attraction to older gay males. In men, the most desired male traits for me: 1 Dominance, 2 Age, 3 willingness to engage in conversation. I have only theories as to why I have interest in the completely opposite traits in either gender, I only know these traits have been consistent over many years. Since this article is about attraction to older gay males I will stick with describing this attraction.
To begin I was not ever molested or traumatized sexually as a child or adult. When I entered puberty I began having sex fantasies about my guitar teacher, who was in his 60s at least, and I would imagine him touching me without my consent, and as I became older that fantasy became more aggressive including anal sex.
Body type of older male I find attractive is generally overweight or big enough to have some intimidation, essential he is dominant. The attraction to the female is to be dominant over her, the attraction to the male is the opposite. I am attracted to different combinations of traits in men except one essential trait and that is the dominant male personality. If I had to choose between older and younger I would choose older for sex. However, if I am not interested in any male for a romantic relationship.
In any case I just provide these personal details because I can relate to the attraction to older gay males, and maybe my preferences show that to me, age is a trait which is even more authoritative in a dominant male. Without a dominant personality, age means nothing to me in an older gay male.
Thanks for this article, Dr. It is a helpful source for my own personalized research into this "curse" -- one which I write about in a series of essays on a blog of mine called "Coming Out Twice" robertkpeach dot wixsite dot com slash comingouttwice.
But I propose that most of these relationships begin lustfully as any other relationship start out. How else do two people make it past the first date, other than being sexually attracted to the other.
Laying a head on a soft tummy, the softer side of masculinity with declining testosterone, etc. I could expand and make this entry more graphic, but explaining the particular attractions serves no purpose.
My contention is that most of the young men in these relationships have a kinky fetish for old guys - and who cares? I hope everyone meets and pursues a lasting relationship, if thats what they want, with someone they want to get dirty with, have hot sex with, and how unrealistic is it to try otherwise. NOUN a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc..
These definitions suggest that a fetish is an attachment to an object is the focus of sexual desire. While a big belly alone might be considered a fetish, most younger men will tell you that it is only symbolic of their attraction. They are attracted to the person, the wisdom, the experience, the maturity of the older man.
In other words, the attraction goes much beyond a fetish; it is an attraction to the entirety of the older man. Thanks Dr. Olsen, Today, I thought about writing down some of my inner feelings, so I stumbled upon your article And I had to say something. I am married now, but when I was young in my 20s, I had a deep love for older men maybe until now, 40yo , with big bellies, white, cut, and chubby, for some reason.
I liked having sex with older men. I liked to service them, please them and make them come. I enjoyed playing with older men's penis, lolly pops while he's enjoying it and making him feel good. Then he slowly starts making love to me until he comes inside me. Now, what I am about to say, is kind of not expected, but I have to say it anyway, and here it is.
By the grace of God, I knew that these behaviors are shameful, and God doesn't like that. Even though I liked it, I had to stop. I pray to God to continue being on the straight path, never deviate, because God is the most compassionate, the forgiving of sins, the most merciful.
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